


a long road out to recovery

by itscursorbby



Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/Zero, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: AU where Kariya doesn't die, Alternate Universe, M/M, Probably breaking like 10 verse rules, Vaguely set in a singularity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 17:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15823548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itscursorbby/pseuds/itscursorbby
Summary: “You really do look better. You have some color back in your skin… You’ve put on some weight, too.”“I guess.”





	a long road out to recovery

**Author's Note:**

> I impulse wrote this at 3 in the morning
> 
> Shout out to Twitter user @hortensied for betaing this, by which I mean reading it and then saying "I'M GAY AND CRYING", and also for pointing me towards Recovery by Frank Turner for the title, ty Matt <33

The first thing that catches Kariya's eye is a flash of violet passing him.

  
He stands stock still, processing what he just saw, before whipping around. Too fast--the dead weight of his left side trips him up, sends him toppling--

  
But he doesn't hit the ground. Rather, he finds himself caught by a strong pair of arms. Above him, he hears a gentle voice ask, "Are you okay?"

  
That voice...

  
Kariya looks up to face the one who caught him. When their eyes meet, it's the other man who reacts first, surprise and something like regret mixing with his concerned expression.

  
Kariya knows this man. He knows him, he recognizes him from somewhere--

  
(The Grail War, Berserker, unintelligible dreams, somewhere in his fragmented memories--)  
  
Ah. His hair is shorter, lighter, he seems younger, but...  
  
(Berserker, too powerful, too reckless, too much mana, too much, it hurts it hurts IT HURTS--)  
  
The next thing he notices is cool metal against his face. (That feels nice. Soothing. Grounding.) It's darker, too...? ...An alley? (A safe place, away from prying eyes, away from cruel strangers and well-meaning idiots. ...He remembered.)  
  
"--iya? Are you okay now?"  
  
Oh. He's speaking to him.  
  
Kariya steadies himself, then takes a step back, out of the knight's arms, away from the comfortable metal of his armor. "Mm... Yeah, I'm fine." With a weak smile--or, half of one, the most he can manage these days--he adds, "Thank you... Lancelot."  
  
The knight--Lancelot--seems to relax, a smile coming to his own face as well. "I'm glad; you had me worried for a moment there." He hesitates before continuing, "You look well. Healthier."  
  
Kariya nods, half-assed assurance turning to a real grin. "I'm getting better. Slowly, but I'm getting there." He wants to say more--Lancelot had been impossible to communicate with before, there's so much he wants to tell his former Servant, but-- "If you're here there must be something important happening. I shouldn't keep you. It was nice seeing you like this." He turns to head back out to the street--  
  
\--but Lancelot's hand catches his sleeve.  
  
"Actually, I'm free right now."  
  
\--  
  
They go somewhere with cheap food. Actually, this greasy slop is a bit of a splurge on Kariya's meager budget, but Lancelot doesn't need to know that. He picks out a table tucked away in the corner and sits with his back to the rest of the place, warding off uncomfortable stares.  
  
"So... Saber, this time?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But you still remember being my Berserker? I thought that wasn't supposed to happen."  
  
"It shouldn't, but the rules are being broken more and more often lately. It doesn't surprise me."  
  
"Huh? Is that why you're here, then?"  
  
"It is." Lancelot pauses. His gaze turns down, focuses on the tray piled with junk food between them. Almost too softly to hear above the din of the kitchen, he says, "I'd like to apologize. For all the pain I put you through back then."  
  
Unexpected. Kariya... isn't really accustomed to being apologized to. He's dumbfounded for a second before frantically waving his good hand in front of him. "N-No, it's my fault, if I'd been a better Master--"  
  
"Kariya."  
  
He freezes. "Huh?"  
  
Lancelot looks up again. "It's not your fault. You did the best you could given the circumstances. Please just accept the apology."  
  
Slowly, Kariya's hand lowers again, reaching for a fry instead. "...Thank you."  
  
Huh. That actually kind of makes him feel better.  
  
The conversation falls quiet. Kariya isn't sure what to say first, or even what he should say at all. Instead, he simply takes in the Saber's presence.  
  
Berserker was always an unpleasant figure. The aura shrouding his armor made him seem unearthly; it was nerve-wracking at best to so much as look at him. And his screams during battle... they couldn't have possibly come from a human.  
  
But the Saber sitting across from him now--although he knows it's the same person, he feels completely different. This Lancelot feels real. He could reach out to touch him and rest assured that he wouldn't evaporate into that dark mist.  
  
Without his armor on, Lancelot easily passes for a modern twenty-something. (Kariya briefly wonders where he got those clothes. He also less briefly notes how perfectly fitted that T-shirt is, how the sleeves hug the knight’s biceps and the collar is cut just low enough and wow, Saber Lancelot is actually pretty handsome--)

 

And as his eyes drift up he realizes that Lancelot is looking at him just as intently. “You’re staring,” he says plainly.

 

“You are too.”

 

“--!” A small flustered noise escapes Kariya as he slumps down, as if he can hide his face if his shoulders come up high enough.

 

He’s… actually more embarrassed about being caught staring than being stared at. That’s strange. Then again… the way Lancelot is looking at him isn’t like strangers on the streets. There’s no mockery or pity or disgust.

 

“You really do look better,” Lancelot says, breaking the awkward silence that threatens to form. “You have some color back in your skin… You’ve put on some weight, too.”

 

“I guess.” That’s about all that’s reversible, though--Kariya knows his entire left side is pretty much useless forever. He can’t even get the muscles in his face to move properly. (Weak, pathetic, failure, if you’d been stronger--)

 

“Does it hurt?” There it is again, Lancelot’s voice snapping him out of his thoughts.

 

“Not really. More numb these days, honestly.”

 

“That must be quite the hassle to deal with.”

 

(It is. It’s exhausting.) Kariya shrugs. “I’m used to it. Better than pain, at least.”

 

“Yes, that’s true.” Lancelot’s expression changes slightly--what is that? It’s a look Kariya can’t remember ever seeing directed towards him before. (Whatever it is, it makes him feel warm. He likes this look.) “You seem much more stable as well.”

 

Kariya lets out a single laugh. Harsh. Sarcastic. “You’re really saying that after that display back there?”

 

“I mean it.” Lancelot’s hand moves to reach out, but he stops himself. (Gross, disgusting, that’s why he won’t--) “You’ve improved a lot since we last saw each other, Kariya. I’m proud of you.”

 

(Proud…?)

 

\--

 

“How long do you think you’ll be here this time?”

 

“That’s hard to say… A week at most seems likely.”

 

“Oh.” Kariya tries to hide his disappointment. Of course it wouldn’t be long. “Well, uh, if you’re free again you should come find me. This was nice.”

 

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself. I’ll definitely try to make time for this again.” Once again, Lancelot reaches out, hesitates--but this time he doesn’t stop himself.

 

Kariya leans into the touch before he recognizes it as a hand cupping the side of his face. When was the last time somebody touched him? If he excludes touches meant to harm, then he’s not really sure. (Disgusting, filthy, awful bad wrong-- But despite that, he--)

 

“Take care of yourself, Kariya.” Lancelot lingers for a moment, then pulls away, presumably to go somewhere where he can dematerialize without being noticed.

 

Kariya can’t help but bring his own hand up to where Lancelot’s was.

 

For the first time in a long time, he feels better.


End file.
